|Number Nineteen - Be proud|
|Friday, 02 October 2009 00:00|
There are some things a guy is always proud of. Unfortunately most of these involve huge bodily functions and are repulsive to women. Like a massive burp, a massive fart, or a massive turd. I did a great turd the other day, it was so long that it touched the bottom of the toilet before it had finished. It did a little bit of a coil, and looked like a big brown snake. The missus was not as impressed, and refused to come and have a look. Next time she does something impressive, like cook my dinner without burning it, wash my clothers without dyeing them a different colour or shrinking them, or managing to parallel park, I'm not going to give a shit. Well, I might, but it probably won't look like a snake again. That's a lost moment in time.
This week: Bad first dates, shark pictures, naked chicks, talented Hooters girls, Sesame Street, impressive tricks and more.
No first date
What happens when a 28 year old guy makes a profile of a hot girl on a free dating site? Something pretty much like this I should imagine.
You are Grubby and Smell of Smoke
The guy who tried to pay his bills with a hand-drawn picture of a spider, David Thorne, has yet another email adventure, this time with the management company of his apartment over it's overall cleanliness, or lack of it.
Titanic memorial cruise
This is all a bit weird. Fancy going on a cruise 100 years to the day that the Titanic sank? Following the exact same route that was planned? Visiting the place where the ship actually sank and holding a memorial service? Snap up a cabin on this historical cruise for only $3900 dollars per person.
A while back we featured Shitsenders where you could arrange for animal crap to be anonymously delivered to any intended victim. This is a little bit like that, except it's pubic lice. Yep, here's a website where you can buy a packet of pubic lice and stick them in your cheating girlfriends knickers. Sweet.
Yep, here's a site full of naked chicks, I'm nice like, that but it's not what you think. This is all in the name of art. You won't find any seductive or provocative poses here, just pictures of girls with clothes on. 'Clothes on?' you say… hover over each girl to see them in all their marvellous birthday suit glory.
Facebook profile-pic faux pas
A while back we identified the various pictures on MySpace and what they meant (more often than not that you're a whore), and now it's the turn of Facebook.
Hooters Barstool rodeo
This is why we need more Hooters in the UK. I think I've fallen in love with this girl, just watch her technique as she rides that barstool whilst pouring a beer without spilling a drop. Every guy's dream girl.
Teach your wife a lesson
This guy has been teaching his wife how to use a gun. When he popped back in the house he told her not to play with it. She didn't listen, so he decided to teach her another lesson, with firecrackers.
Sesame Street D for Dance
Sesame Street is awesome, and even more so now they've taken Apple's iPod style advert and turned it into an education tool. D D D D Dance!
Guy tricked into hitting himself in the nuts
This is a great trick. I genuinely laughed out loud when I saw this, and applauded a little too. It's genius.
How to break an apple in half with your hands
Use this trick to win bets and impress the laydees. Admittedly I haven't given this a go yet as I don't have any apples in the house, but it looks like it should work. Get cracking!
Dog gets ball
Not a complicated premise I grant you, but let's put it into context; the ball is in the middle of a swimming pool and the dog does not want to get wet. He gets it, and he's awesome.
Sneeze! The game
Your job is to spread swineflu and misery across as many people as you can sneeze by sneeze. You sneeze once, infecting people who in turn sneeze and hopefully infect the whole area. Great!
This game does what it says on the tin. Put together white jigsaws. As you progress through the levels there are more and more pieces. Annoying, yet great.